The things they don’t tell you
I think we grow up believing that life has a set course: go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, have babies. Rinse and repeat with each generation.
But that’s not life. That’s a definition humans placed on life (at some point in human history). How things are supposed to be. Eventually we realize that there really are no rules and stuff just happens. All the time, but we don’t necessarily know when or what or how or even why.
One of those things is marriage. Nobody really tells you what it will be like. Just like your first day of college or first day at a new job, you have to figure things out for yourself. You have an idea of what things will be like based off of what you may have seen on TV, in real life, or even all those happy faces on social media.
Let me just tell you that all those happy faces on Facebook or Instagram don’t tell the whole story. In fact, they may only be showing a thin slice of it.
You know that old saying “don’t believe everything you see?” Well that applies here.
Marriage is not easy, but there is something that shifts when you say a formal I do to another person. You’ve somehow merged two families together without even knowing it. Whether or not you have lived together, something has changed and you either grow together or apart. Funny thing is you may not notice it right away, but you do eventually.
And it’s different for every couple because people vary so much. Some similarities spill over, of course, but how a marriage progresses depends on the two individuals.
Something no one ever told me and I’ve only found out recently after talking to other married people is that the first year was not fun. At all. Even though we had been together for four years prior to getting married, there were adjustments we both had to make.
It was no walk in the Boston Public Gahdens let me tell ya. (Side note, I do think the Public Gardens are lovely and miss them dearly.)
Has it gotten better? For us, yes. But it’s not perfect (and I know it never will be). We still argue and disagree on many things. Everyday is a new day and because of that, marriage continues to be work.
Are there good times? Of course. There are ups and downs, and everything in between. Constant compromise, communication, and trust are our BFFs. He still makes me laugh and I make him chuckle on a regular basis. We have our arguments, but we try to work through them, even if it takes time.
Will it get easier? Some things maybe and somethings probably not because it changes. Just like in life, curve balls will come flying at us and we’ll have to deal with them just like we do everything else.
I think the trick is to keep moving along together whatever comes our way. We agreed to live a good portion of our life with one another and boy does it take work to make that happen.